Domestic Violence!

But today at 62 I feel like a really shabby-old-faded version of who I used to be.

I am a single mother now. For more than 40 years I was married to my childhood sweetheart.

Today my daughter and son are all grown up, married and have children of their own.

I just hope they live a happy life with their life partners and children.

I know and believe that all marriages will have hiccups but it's how you deal with it that matters.

I had to learn things the hard way. In my marriage I was victimized, shamed and violated almost everyday.

I considered it as normal mostly because that's exactly how my mother and most of the married women in my family were treated.

I guess I just didn't know the difference. Had I known it I would have dealt with my husband differently and I would have garnered some self respect for myself at least.

My friends and family tried a lot to talk some sense into me and I knew they wanted the best for me but still I was not strong enough to walk away from it all.

It's like the same old story told by similar disadvantaged women just like myself - we didn't have the privilege to get a decent education so we were not able to make it on our own and therefore had to take all the hits and blows. 

I really took it all so that my children could find a better future for themselves - I'm happy today that they are independent and earning a living.  

It took me 30 years to finally muster up the courage to leave him while all along he had been keeping a woman on the side. As soon as I was out of the picture they have got married. 

All those years he denied it and there were so many instances where I had caught him red-handed and thrown him out of his own house - only to take him back in again.

I know I sound like a pathetic woman and I believe I was exactly that but not anymore.

I am also aware that people I know have laughed at me for my stupidity and I want to tell them that I wasn't brave and strong enough then.

But today in my 60's I am still glad and happy that I am a free human being and that is such a liberating feeling.