How to find common ground with your teenage child

How to find common ground with your teenage child

Conflicts between parents and their teenage kids are not uncommon. It can be challenging for children to transition into adolescence, testing boundaries and asserting their independence. However, there are ways to ease tensions and foster a healthier relationship. As a parent, I'm here to offer some valuable insights and strategies to help moms and dads to navigate these turbulent waters. In this blog post, we'll explore practical tips for reducing conflicts and building stronger family bonds.

Open the Channels of Communication

Communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. Create a safe space where parent and child can express their thoughts and feelings without judgment. Encourage active listening and empathy to truly understand each other's perspectives.

For example: Imagine your child comes home from school upset because of a disagreement with a friend. Instead of immediately offering solutions, you sit down with him/her, listen attentively, and ask open-ended questions. This allows them to express their feelings and concerns, fostering open communication. 

Nurture Mutual Respect

Mutual respect is essential. As a mother, it's vital to model respectful behavior in your interactions. Avoid using derogatory language or belittling remarks. Treat your son with the same respect you expect from him.

For example: During a disagreement about homework, your son becomes frustrated and raises his voice. Rather than reacting with anger, you calmly explain that it's essential to maintain a respectful tone during discussions. By modeling respectful behavior, you set the standard for how you both should interact.

Validate Emotions

Emotions can run high during these years. Even if you don't agree with your son's behavior, it's crucial to recognize and validate his emotions. Show empathy and understanding to defuse tension and encourage healthier communication.

For example: Your son is upset because he didn't make the school soccer team. Instead of dismissing his feelings or telling him to toughen up, you acknowledge his disappointment, saying, "I can see how much this meant to you, and it's okay to feel sad about it." This validation helps him process his emotions.

Identify Triggers and Patterns

Pay close attention to the situations or topics that frequently lead to conflicts. Understanding these triggers can help you anticipate and manage them more effectively, reducing the frequency of clashes.

For example: You notice that conflicts often arise during homework time. By paying attention to this pattern, you realize that he gets frustrated when he struggles with certain subjects. You decide to adjust the approach, seeking help from a tutor to make homework time less stressful.

Embrace Active Problem-Solving

Encourage a problem-solving approach to conflicts. Instead of escalating disagreements, work together to identify alternatives and consider the consequences of actions. This approach empowers your son and promotes cooperation.

For example: Your son wants to stay out with friends later than you're comfortable with. Instead of saying a simple "no," you suggest he create a plan that includes a clear curfew, communication, and responsibilities. This approach empowers him to be a part of the solution.

Set Clear Expectations and Boundaries

Establish clear expectations and boundaries. Ensure your son understands these guidelines. Consistency is key in reinforcing these expectations and following through with appropriate consequences if they are violated.

For example: You establish a rule that homework must be completed before leisure activities. When your son doesn't follow this rule, you calmly remind him of the expectation and implement a consequence, like reduced screen time. Consistency in enforcing this boundary helps him understand the importance of responsibility.

Celebrate Positive Behavior

Acknowledge and reward your son's positive behavior and achievements. Positive reinforcement can be a powerful motivator, encouraging more positive interactions and reducing the likelihood of conflicts.

For example: Your son takes the initiative to help with household chores without being asked. You express your appreciation, saying, "I noticed how responsible you were with the chores today. It makes a big difference in our family." Your positive reinforcement encourages him to continue this behavior.

Find Common Interests

Discover shared interests and activities that you both enjoy. Engaging in these activities can strengthen your bond and provide opportunities for positive experiences.

For example: You discover that both you and your son enjoy hiking. You plan a weekend hiking trip, creating an opportunity for quality time together, strengthening your bond, and creating lasting positive memories.

Professional Support

If conflicts persist or escalate and become too challenging to manage on your own, consider seeking help from a family therapist or counselor. They can provide expert guidance and tools to address specific challenges you may be facing.


Building a harmonious parent-teenaged child relationship takes time and effort. It's essential to be patient and continue working on open communication, understanding, and mutual respect. By implementing these strategies and seeking professional support when needed, you can reduce conflicts and strengthen the bond between you and your child, creating a more positive and nurturing family environment.

Remember, you're not alone in this journey, and there's support available to help you along the way.



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