My secret life!

My secret life!

Anna's Journal

I don't mind you hating me after reading my story!

Still I can't say it never happened and I feel I need to tell my story so that it might save some of you out there from being ruined like I did.

It all started pretty innocently.

I was in my early twenties and I regarded myself to be an object of immense desire. I hanged around with the right kind of people, talked, dated and went to the right parties.

Back then I didn't see myself as superficial or childish, in fact I used to tell myself that I was playing my cards right.

Having completed my studies at a Top University, soon I started working at a prominent Business firm. I still remember myself being so full of pride and obnoxiously liberated.

I basked in the glory of the constant praise; for my self confidence, my efficiency and the numerous achievements at work. And all that ever mattered to me in life was me, myself and winning.

My whole life was centered around my work. I kept myself pretty busy with business during day and went out partying at night.

The vibe was like a strong current that soon carried me off to experience things and places I never thought existed.

I kept reminding myself how much I hated poverty.

I knew my below the line of poverty that I considered was ludicrous. You see I wanted to live the life of a princess. And I made sure I it lasted - the fabulous life I lived was sponsored by a string of secret lovers.

Trust me stringing sex-crazed perverted married men isn't too hard a feat.

A colleague introduced me to this secret cult. Soon I got caught up with the bad habit of meeting up with sex-crazed strangers. Most of them were married man. They were easy to please and weren't looking for no commitments.

But to be really honest I have to tell you that some of these men were real bastards and there were times when I felt damn shamed, disgusted, violated and just sick of all that was happening to me.

So did it stop me? No! I still kept on riding the wave.

I told myself that no matter what - I had to stay afloat as long as I could. I was determined never to fall off my boat lest I hit rock bottom.

I learned early on, that in this game it was a cardinal rule to not hook up twice with a clingy touchy-feely deeply emotional type. But everything in my life was about to change because destiny made me say yes to a girlfriend's invitation to go sailing on a beautiful yacht with her friends.  

The guy was too cute and he was alone while everybody else had picked partners. I couldn't believe at first but he didn't seem to be interested in me at all. I mean nobody likes being the last one to be picked, not to mention being rejected is darn humiliating.

So I had acquired this skill of putting people down really easily and I was actively engaged in doing just that. Somehow it didn't work on him, which infuriated me more.

And when I think of it all now, I guess that was one reason why I got so intrigued by him - my curiosity - he was a real challenge.

We girls were chilling out drinking, in the heated jacuzzi pool, on the deck of the yacht. All the guys had gone diving. "What the heck am I doing here without a partner?" I lashed at the girls "Am warning you, I will have to screw one of your's?" they all giggled. 

I got to know that the guy they meant to partner with me couldn't make it and that this hunk with an attitude wasn't like one of the Richie's on board, he was just a freelance diver working on the yacht from time to time.

"Then why in the world are you guys hanging around with him?" I blurted out.

The queen bee giggled "I heard he is an animal in bed" she licked her perfect pout "the stakes are out on who can shag him first - you in?". I joined in the laughter. 

Somehow some part of me warned to stay away from him. So I just told myself that I wasn't his league anyway and instead I planned to relax and pamper myself during this weekend trip.

The luxuries on board were limitless - they had a spa too.

After a blissful spa day I felt so relaxed. The sun was going down and it's my favourite time of the day.

I walked to the deck and stood there smiling, watching the Mediterranean sky change colours. Bold orange, red and gold dominated the sky with it's romantic hues.

With my favourite cocktail in my hand, I heard the faint rhythm of a guitar. 

I followed the haunting notes which seemed to be coming from the top deck.

The sight before me made me catch my breath.

He was there strumming a guitar while the breeze played with his untamed long hair. He had gone swimming and looked tanned. Only in his shorts, broad and bare chested he seemed virile.

He saw me and kept looking at me. I got lost in the intensity of his eyes, they seemed deep and warm. 

As if hypnotized I walked over to where he was sitting and I thought I saw a glint of a smile in his eyes as he kept on playing the serenade.

I leaned against his hard muscular frame and rested my head on his shoulder. His guitar had captivated my heart strings while the sea breeze enveloped us, he smelled so good - a fine concoction of sea, aftershave and his own musky scent.

I don't know who made the first move but he was kissing me with a hunger that matched mine. We both entwined to create a tremor that rocked us to a deeper dimension, one that was definitely out of this world.

We lay spent looking at the now darkened sky with it's billions of stars shining down on us. 

I looked at him and he was looking back at me. It all seemed so unreal but he had really touched me somewhere deep within my being that I wasn't aware existed.

He carried me over to my cabin. 

He turned me on - his foreplay - the whispered endearments and his intense love-making made me break down all my walls.

We spent the whole trip together - my friends weren't very happy about it but what the hell!

I promised myself that I would dump him and forget him right after the trip.

But I was wrong.

I found myself breaking down all my rules.

I went against my will and called him up.

We started to meet up and I was enjoying my time being with him.

For reasons unknown I kept missing him even while he was there with me. I told myself that if I had sex with him everyday I would surely get bored of him soon.

I hated him because nothing seemed to work. I loved him because he didn't do nothing but he did everything right. You know what I mean right!

He really lets me be myself, never hinted on changing anything about me and treated me really kind and gentle.

We used to go for long hikes, libraries, movies, cycling, swimming and horse riding. I loved watching the sun go down while he held my hand. We made wild and passionate love on the beach, on the roof, in the bathtub, on the table, in the garden - everywhere and anywhere.

But I had to leave him. I didn't want to keep him in the dark about my secret life. The life I was meant to live.  

The only reason why I had to keep it a secret was - because well let's say he didn't have the resources to give me a life of comfort. 

Call me a bitch but I was not ready to leave my bubble to be with him. And I had to lay low with my other interests lest they find out about him.

I had a hell of time fighting my inner voices not knowing what to do. 

My boss got concerned about my project deadlines and missed targets - it had never happened before. It was subtle but he did warn me that there others vying for my position.

I knew then it was time to put a stop to my craving for this one man. Yes, the one man that made me feel whole but was not able to afford me a good life.

Ever since I had slept with him I never even considered being with another. So in order to prove to myself that my promiscuity was still intact.

It was a weekend so I called up my bitches and told them that I was back in business - to go partying and meet up sugar daddies. 

I told myself that I was going to get him out of my system. I got all dolled up and ready to go meet people who would help me keep my lavish life.

I called him up and lied to him about where I was going for the weekend, I had told him it's something to do with my work.

As the clock ticked I got more and more nervous - I felt so bad about myself and all I could do was think of him.

How he cared about me, how gentle he was with me, even while he gets wild in bed he treats me with love. Yes, with so much love, so so much that it hurts! 

No! I just did my eyes and didn't want to ruin them, so I just blinked my tears away. Grabbed a happy pill and drowned it with a bit of wine - I was ready to go!

As I went out to pick my friend up to go clubbing -  it started to rain.

My friends were all so excited to see me after so long and wanted to know what I was up to lately. They wanted me to meet someone important. Someone who has been wanting to meet me in person. 

Before I could give my word to meet him I felt someone grab my hand.

#findinnerpeace #PioneeringMaldivesWellness #pamperinmaldives